So, no shit, I had the most amazing "aha" moment last night. I was having trouble falling asleep - which NEVER happens - and my mind was wandering.
<digress> For some that were following my book reviews on Facebook, you might remember one I read maybe 4-6 weeks ago that I thought could be my high school life story. The amazing thing I took away from that story was how much of that part of my life I had repressed. I think after reading that book, it unlocked a door in my mind. </digress>
There's a question I ask myself every single day, sometimes multiple times a day. That question is: "When was the last time I was happy?" Well...AHA...it came to me last night!
I don't remember exactly what age/grade I was. I'm guessing it was somewhere in the 16-19 year-old age range. Here's what I do remember. I remember a time when I was part of a large group of friends...mostly guys. (Let's face it...always was and always will be a tomboy.) I remember hanging out at Mark's house with him and Thad and Wobs...and probably tons of other people I'm forgetting. I remember feeling like these guys were my family. They were my brothers, BFFs, and boyfriends all wrapped up into one. I remember telling these guys I loved them every day and not thinking anything of it. Because it was true. Then I remember an entirely different set of friends that I had a similar relationship with. Matt and Bryan were my choir/theater brothers/BFFs/boyfriends. I had the same relationship with these two (and I'm sure there are others I'm forgetting) that I had with the other group.
What's the common denominator in all of this? I MISS MY BOYS!!!
How many times do I hear something like "aren't you lonely?" or "don't you want a man in your life?" or "would you like me to set you up?"? I always have a hard time answering these questions because I am lonely; I do want a guy in my life; and I DON'T want to be set up. I miss having guy friends. The drama is so much less, and I have way more in common with guys.
The last guy friend I remember having was Mike. Here's what I remember about one of our last conversations. "So, [new girlfriend] doesn't understand why I have to be friends with you." WTF? I would like to think that if this situation were reversed that I would NOT be like this. Mike and I "dated" for maybe 4-6 weeks. And I put "dated" in quotes not because it's code for "did the nasty" or "friends with benefits" but because it was obvious early on that we had NO physical attraction for each other. It was kinda like kissing my brother. YUCK. So, that said, I don't know why [new girlfriend] would be concerned or jealous.
So I guess maybe that's why I'm struggling. How many 40-year-old guys are there that are "allowed" to be friends with a girl? I've been in touch with a couple of really good guy friends that I've known for...well...ever, and I always feel better when we talk/text.
So if you know of any guy in my age range that is allowed to have a girl for a friend, please, send him my way.
