An "aha!" moment

So, no shit, I had the most amazing "aha" moment last night. I was having trouble falling asleep - which NEVER happens - and my mind was wandering.

<digress> For some that were following my book reviews on Facebook, you might remember one I read maybe 4-6 weeks ago that I thought could be my high school life story. The amazing thing I took away from that story was how much of that part of my life I had repressed. I think after reading that book, it unlocked a door in my mind. </digress>

There's a question I ask myself every single day, sometimes multiple times a day. That question is: "When was the last time I was happy?" Well...AHA...it came to me last night!

I don't remember exactly what age/grade I was. I'm guessing it was somewhere in the 16-19 year-old age range. Here's what I do remember. I remember a time when I was part of a large group of friends...mostly guys. (Let's face it...always was and always will be a tomboy.) I remember hanging out at Mark's house with him and Thad and Wobs...and probably tons of other people I'm forgetting. I remember feeling like these guys were my family. They were my brothers, BFFs, and boyfriends all wrapped up into one. I remember telling these guys I loved them every day and not thinking anything of it. Because it was true. Then I remember an entirely different set of friends that I had a similar relationship with. Matt and Bryan were my choir/theater brothers/BFFs/boyfriends. I had the same relationship with these two (and I'm sure there are others I'm forgetting) that I had with the other group.

What's the common denominator in all of this? I MISS MY BOYS!!!

How many times do I hear something like "aren't you lonely?" or "don't you want a man in your life?" or "would you like me to set you up?"? I always have a hard time answering these questions because I am lonely; I do want a guy in my life; and I DON'T want to be set up. I miss having guy friends. The drama is so much less, and I have way more in common with guys.

The last guy friend I remember having was Mike. Here's what I remember about one of our last conversations. "So, [new girlfriend] doesn't understand why I have to be friends with you." WTF? I would like to think that if this situation were reversed that I would NOT be like this. Mike and I "dated" for maybe 4-6 weeks. And I put "dated" in quotes not because it's code for "did the nasty" or "friends with benefits" but because it was obvious early on that we had NO physical attraction for each other. It was kinda like kissing my brother. YUCK. So, that said, I don't know why [new girlfriend] would be concerned or jealous.

So I guess maybe that's why I'm struggling. How many 40-year-old guys are there that are "allowed" to be friends with a girl? I've been in touch with a couple of really good guy friends that I've known for...well...ever, and I always feel better when we talk/text.

So if you know of any guy in my age range that is allowed to have a girl for a friend, please, send him my way.

Latest weekly book update

So, I managed to get through 4 books last week. I'm pretty much all over the place when it comes to subject matter these days. In an attempt to eliminate my HEA (happily ever after) romance book phase - which is driving me insane - I attempted to branch out.

1. Touched by AJ Aalto: This was full on paranormal with vampires, witches, magic, etc. I think this would have been a good story except that all the main characters were introduced in, like, the first chapter without any back story or explanation. I had a hard time keeping up. And while most everyone is still alive (or undead) at the end, it wasn't a super happy ending. I won't read it again, and I probably wouldn't recommend it...unless you can find it for free.
2. Reign of Blood by Alexia Purdy: Undead apocalypse but with vampires and not zombies. I was all for this based on the summary, but it was sorta a weak story line. I felt like it could have gone in so many different, and better, directions. However, I found the basic theme interesting considering I just finished Season 2 of The Walking Dead. In my opinion, the "aha" moment of Season 2 is sorta what this book is about...just swap zombies for vampires.
3. Collide by Gail McHugh: This was a really good book. I finished this one in a day (thank you Kaplan for giving me NO work to do so I could read). This was a romance with a HUGE cliffhanger ending. I didn't realize this was a series when I started; I might not have chosen this to read until after the next book comes out if I had known ahead of time. My biggest issue with this book is that the female lead is weak...and I HATE that! So, we'll see what the next book brings.
4. True Love Story by Willow Aster: As I woke up Saturday morning and scrolled through my Kindle looking for a non-romance to start, I realized the book I borrowed with the Kindle lending library for March was still sitting there unread. So, I had to put my jones for a paranormal book on hold for another romance. This book was really good...and sad and emotional in parts. Some will categorize this as a "rock star romance" because the male lead is a guitarist, but other than him being on tour and that causing the main couple to spend time apart, his music career isn't really a thing. I cried during parts of this, I'll admit it. Maybe it was because for once, the guy screws up and has to BEG to be forgiven. And when she doesn't acknowledge his presence on Earth, he faces reality and backs off and stops trying. Say whatever you want, but a gorgeous rock star who pours out emotions in poems, letters, and songs is HOT! This one I recommend.

So, this week will bring my re-read of Beautiful Disaster by Jamie McGuire in preparation for Walking Disaster to come out next week. I always knew I would re-read this one, and this is the perfect opportunity. :-) 

Almost Spring, my a$$

As I prepare to officially and indefinitely suspend my Facebook activity on Friday, I have decided that I will instead try to blog more often. This, perhaps, will not be a problem as I seem to have ample time available at work these days to at least start a post (as I am doing now)

So, things are pretty stressful. It would seem that winter is going to be around FOREVER here in Wisconsin, and my seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is at a level I’ve never felt before. I’ve added good ole Vitamin D to my diet (in place of real sunshine), but it apparently interacts with my anxiety meds. So now I’ve taken to feeling drunk every morning and needing some 5-Hour Energy just to stay awake. It’s neat.

Between being mentally and physically ill from the SAD and my lackluster career, I’ve started to think again about moving. A quick web search of where people with SAD would benefit living from turned up Albuquerque, NM and Charlotte, NC, just to name a few. I have a friend who used to live in or near both, and he voted for Albuquerque. In 2007, Tempur-Pedic opened a huge mattress factory in Albuquerque, so perhaps I found my new career.

I continue to read quite a bit. I finished a book this morning that was not fantastic, so I’ll refrain from any sort of recommendation/review. I am taking a short break from HEA (happily ever after) romances and trying to focus more on the paranormal. I believe the next book in line for me to read is about a vampire apocalypse. (Don’t fret…there are zombie books waiting right after this one!)

Best (& worst) books of 2012

I wanted to do this really in-depth blog about everything I had read in 2012, but let’s face it. I read A LOT in 2012. So, I’ve decided to try to just do a top 10 of what I loved. Or maybe top 20. Ugh! So many to choose from. Also, I was asked to also include my “duds” of 2012. I can tell you now that there weren’t many. I read many books that held my attention ‘til the end, but didn’t make me think about them long after I was done, but I don’t think that makes them “duds.” So those will not be included here.

If you are an avid reader, or become one in the future, I highly advise you to subscribe to Pixel of Ink. I follow them on Facebook, but I believe they also have a website. Every day, they post two updates (morning and evening) with freebies for the day. (If you aren’t on Facebook, I think they send the deals via email.) It also includes any Amazon bargain deals for the day. Please note that when it says a book is free at the time it was posted, it is entirely possible it won’t be free by the time you go out to get it. Always verify purchase price.

If, after reading my choices, you think some/most/all of these would be up your alley, I also encourage you to follow Maryse’s Book Blog. I follow her on Facebook, but she does a blog that can be updated as often as five times a day. (Also, she posted her top 25ish books of 2012 today, if you're interested.)

Disclaimer:

• I read my books in a Kindle Fire. Any reference to price or book site or blog is specific to a Kindle reader and books purchased through Amazon. I cannot guarantee that Nook or other e-readers will be afforded the same specials.
• Most of the authors I read are classified as indie, self-published authors. In many cases, these will not be available in any format other than an e-book, and finding them through your local library will be next to impossible.
• Other than #2 on my list, I paid no more than $3.99 for any book in my entire Kindle carousel. And there are so many…
• I am a firm believer in the supernatural and paranormal. If you are not into that genre, you will probably not be sold on this list. I will try to note when books fall into this realm.
• I am not going to provide summaries of the books. I’ll give my opinion and brief commentary, but you can go out and read more about each if you’d like.
• While some of these books may have been released in 2011, I read them in 2012, so…

The first two books I’m giving you are, in order, my two faves from this year. The rest could be in any order because I really enjoyed them.

1. The Edge of Never by J.A. Redmerski

   I am not going to even explain this book to you. Just read it. It was phenomenal. And there is absolutely NO paranormal aspect to it. It’s just real people and real emotions and a totally real plot. I recommended this to my mom's book club. I hope this author gets an agent and a publisher QUICK because she deserves it.
2. Beautiful Disaster by Jamie McGuire

   Again, words can’t describe this one. Nothing paranormal in this one. Hot, tattooed guy (Travis…yummy) tries to get the good girl. It takes place in a college setting. This also just got picked up to be made into a movie. The only way they can screw it up is by casting the wrong actor as Travis. Also, the “sequel” will be released in April 2013. It’s called Walking Disaster. It’s not really a sequel; it’s the same story told in Travis’s point of view. Scrumptious...
3. The Providence Trilogy by Jamie McGuire
   
Notice the repeat of the author’s name? Amazon has the trilogy bundled into one e-book purchase. That’s how I got it. This one has a supernatural aspect to it: angels, demons, and a bit of religion. The story (and love story) is well thought-out and beautifully written.
4. Blood Reaction by D.L. Atha

   Not surprising that this one is about vampires. This is probably the first e-book I read this year that I recommended to others. The story was very original. I encourage anyone who enjoys the vampire genre to indulge. I will say that it’s pretty dark. I also want to caution anyone with kids. Sounds weird, I know, but one of the underlying storylines is about what a mother would do to keep a child safe.
5. The Experiment in Terror series by Karina Halle
   
I have also been pushing this one all year. This one is mostly about ghosts and ghost hunting. There is an underlying love story between the two main characters who are in their mid-20s. This series is interesting because you’ll find that there are “tweener” books, as I like to call them. Like, if you go looking for them, you might see Book 4.5. These are usually short stories that either are standalones to hold you over until the next book in the series, or it’s the story up to this point told in a different character’s point of view. Finally, the editing on these books is not great. The story is pretty good, but you should be aware of the poor editing going into it. Darkhouse is the first book and has been free almost the whole year. It is a super slow read, but if you attempt it, stay with it. The rest of the series gets better, but you need this for back story.
6. Fall from Grace series by Christine Zolendz

   There are two books in this series. This series was one of my faves because it had rock stars and paranormal aspects. The paranormal in this series is angels. However, with angels come demons. This series is very well written.
7. Reunion and Twisted Vengeance by Jeff Bennington

   These are two separate books, but I found one because I read the other and liked the writing. Both of these books involve ghosts and hauntings. If you enjoy that topic or believe in ghosts, both are really great.
8. Just Breathe series by Kendall Grey
   
I believe this is going to end up being just a trilogy. The first two books are out, and the third is scheduled to be released 1/8/13. (Seriously, I can’t wait for this one!) This has some pretty supernatural aspects to it that require you to open your mind and think outside the box. I can tell you that the lead character, Zoe, works with whales and can communicate with them. That’s one of the storylines. Sound odd? Perhaps. But note that a huge portion of the proceeds of the book sales goes to whale research and rescue.
9. Hunger Games Trilogy by Suzanne Collins

   I think I get to count it because I finished Mockingjay in January. Seriously…if you haven’t read these yet, just do it. The first movie was actually really good compared to the book. However, the books are always so much better!
10. Flesh by Kylie Scott

    I am constantly being mocked at work by my love for this book. This is listed as zombie apocalyptic erotica as the “genre” on Amazon. Oh, and that’s what it is all right. Here’s my synopsis: It’s 60 days past the zombie apocalypse. There’s a group of people that have survived that come together for safety in a small community. The ratio of men to women is something like 10:1. As a female, unless you want to be kidnapped, raped, and fed to a zombie, you might want to open up your sexual boundaries. There is a “sequel” to this one coming out on 2/1/13, which I have already pre-ordered for the low price of $1. Same post-zombie-apocalyptic erotica but not the same characters…and it has now been 6 months since the apocalypse and supplies are low.

Rock star books, rock star books, rock star books! Holy crap, I couldn’t list them all. I am so into these right now. I think it has something to do with my secret fantasy to date…um, “have fun with” a real life rock star. Regardless, I have a ton, and they are all basically the same. Somehow, some girl gets to go on tour with a band. She falls for a band dude, thinking she can “change” him, he screws up, she leaves, he begs, she comes back, happily ever after. These are kinda played out for me right now, but they sure are fun! (If you are curious, message me and I can send you a list.)

O.K. Time for my list of duds. It’s really not going to be much.

1. Fifty Shades trilogy by E.L. James

   Guilty pleasure, but not the best writing of all time. I say read the first one to say you’ve experienced Christian, but read reviews/summaries of the next two and move on with your life. And, for the love of Pete…if you get through the second one, DO NOT start the third one. Ugh…so many hours of my life I can’t get back. However…if you do want to experience them all…I suggest getting the audio book for the third book. I was having a difficult time getting through it and had a long road trip ahead. The audio book was AWFUL and made me giggle out loud in inappropriate places.
2. Have You Seen Her? by Rich Silvers
   
The only reason this is on here is because this is one of the only books in my entire life I started and could not finish. 40% of the way through, I could already tell the ending. It was SO FRUSTRATING to know what was going to happen when the whining, crazy main character didn’t get it. Per a suggestion from a friend, I jumped to the last two chapters to confirm my belief and called it good.
3. Savagery by Emma Mackenzie

   (sigh) Do I have to? This is the one I “won” and got an advanced copy of. This was billed as erotica. The story was awful, the writing/editing was awful, and a few tame sex scenes (and one tame threesome) does NOT make an erotica. I mostly hate this book because after my negative review on Amazon, the author emailed me privately and ripped me for my review. Whatever. It’s awful. It was also free a few weeks ago. Don’t do it.

In closing, I also want to push a site call Smashwords. I have visited but never stayed long. Since I'm hooked on a ton of self-published, indie authors, they have more release control on Smashwords. From what I've read this year, B&N is AWFUL in picking these books up. However, you can buy the format on Smashwords and it'll tell you how to load it onto your Nook. I'm assuming if you have a "generic" e-reader, this would work as well.

Happy reading in 2013! I know I can't wait. :-)

2012 Recap

So, it’s New Year’s Eve. I’ve never really understood this need to make a big deal about the end/beginning of a year. It’s just another day. Maybe it’s just the excuse to have fireworks, drink excessively, stay out late, and prepare for a few days of college football. Whatever it is…it’s just another day for me.

That said, I wanted to try to put down on paper (metaphorically speaking, of course) my 2012. Consider this my version of a Christmas letter. With social media, I feel like most of my friends already know all of this, but here goes.

Honestly, I can’t even believe 2012 is over. I feel like nothing happened in 2012 for me. Maybe it didn’t. Maybe that’s why I feel like it’s gone so fast. Let’s find out.

Let’s start with the most fun of my 2012. My concert attendance! The La Crosse Center welcomed Volbeat, Megadeth, and Zombie; some random small-town festival in Arcadia brought in Trapt, and a trip to Iowa of all places gave us the Tresspass America Festival. The Tresspass show had, like, 8 bands, but the important part of that was seeing Five Finger Death Punch. My concert buddy, Ashley, and I had said early this year that we were getting tickets if they came anywhere near us. Who know that Waterloo, IA would be that place! (Side note: 5FDP's American Capitalist album was my fave of 2012.)

Also in 2012, my spoiled rotten, 4-legged little buddy decided he was no longer going to tolerate and eat food purchased at the store…even really expensive food. Thus started us on our journey of a homemade diet. It kills my bank account every week and eats up about three hours out of every weekend…BUT…he loves it, he seems happy, and we’ve not had to go to the vet in a long time. I know my time with him is winding down, and so we will continue down our homemade diet path.

The majority of the work on the house was complete. Finishing the basement was my last big project, and that was done somewhere around Memorial Day. I have been informed that I will be receiving a small sum of money from my grandmother’s estate, so the wheels are turning with a possible additional project. Or I can make a bigger house payment. Or I can travel with it. Or I can save it. Who am I kidding…it’ll be a house project!

One of the biggest things 2012 brought me was a restructuring of finances, which included the canceling of cable. This was a super big decision for me…mostly because I gave up a lot of sports. However, what I gained was this immense amount of time I never recognized I had lost. I can still access every single sporting event I want…on the radio. A little satellite radio or the TuneIn Radio app and I’m good to go. While I’m listing to a game or race, I can be doing something else. The best situation is when I can be sitting in a lawn chair in the back yard with a beer doing nothing but listening. If I had cable, I’d be trapped on the couch. Of course, the other big advantage to ditching cable was the sheer amount of books I can now read. In October/November, I was averaging four books/week. (Stay tuned for my 2012 fave book blog to hopefully come very soon!)

I’m finding reading even easier to add to my life now that I have my own treadmill in the basement. Yes, exercise still is a very important part of my life. Now I can walk the treadmill any time I want. I still have access to the gym at work for free. I do yoga twice a week and also try to fit in an abs or pilates class. This summer, I took advantage of Yoga in the Park. Two Friday evenings a month throughout the summer, the three biggest yoga studios in La Crosse rotated teaching a 45-minute class in Cameron Park in conjunction with the farmer’s market. The turnout was amazing, and with the unusually warm summer we had, they added three additional dates to the schedule. There were a total of nine classes, and I attended all of them. I was the only one. (Please wait while I pat myself on the back for that one…)

Yoga remains an important part of my schedule to help me remain relaxed and calm. 2012 also brought about more panic attacks and an actual diagnosis of anxiety. The pills help, but I welcome a more holistic approach to treating more of a mental disorder. I find that I really rely on my yoga classes for that. In November of 2011, La Crosse became the proud owner of a hot yoga studio. While it’s a little too expensive and high impact for me to do on a regular basis, I love it. When I had busy weeks and couldn’t make it to my yoga classes at the gym, I really loved that I could drop in and attend a class. What an amazing way to experience yoga!

Much of the anxiety I experienced this year was a direct result of my job. Without getting into details many of you wouldn’t understand, I became the project manager of a new product line at work back in March. I can actually remember the date, and it was a Friday. I know I had been chosen for a reason, but as I look back now, I can’t remember what that reason was. The following Monday, the department received the best news it could have ever hoped for. My supervisor of 4+ years was being transitioned into a new position. She was a horrible person and violated many ethical laws at work. I were glad to see her go. However, it was almost two months before they hired a replacement, and the project managers were really left to fend for themselves and make decisions. With that amount of responsibility and the addition of a flailing new product line on my plate to manage, it became a lot to handle.

Skipping ahead in the career story, a lot of things changed during the summer for product lines I worked on. People were more/less involved; people were eliminated/moved; expectations were shifted. An opportunity presented itself to 1) free me from the level of stress I had been under and 2) perhaps give me the opportunity to actually use my master’s degree. In early October, I accepted a different position within the company. It was very exciting. I was going to be part of a team of people I enjoyed working with and respected. We had the chance to do something really great…to create something out of nothing. However, seven days after I started my new position, the bottom fell out. The company decided to “downgrade’ the product, thus not needing as many staff. I was informed my position would be ending at the end of 2012 and I would be heading back to my old department.

So, as I say goodbye to 2012, I try to look forward to 2013. I turn 40 in 2013. Normally I feel about birthdays the same I feel about NYE: just another day. Turning 40, though, seems to be a different monster. I feel like there are all these things I haven’t achieved yet. I feel like I’m not as happy as I want to be. That said, I don’t really know what I want or how I want to change to make that happen. So, I will take baby steps and focus on the things I can control and things I can look forward to:

• Starting a new, old job
• Many new books and music arriving in January/February
• Cars on the track in Daytona in February
• Shinedown/3DG/POD show in March
• Tulips in April

I’ve been thinking about what I want out of 2013. I decided a few weeks ago that I wanted to become a roadie with a band. I feel like that solves many of my issues at once. (Did you know there are even instructions online on how to become one? HA!) Check back with me in a year to see if that dream came true!

Here’s to a great 2013!

The dysfunctional family follow-up

Many of you saw my Facebook post a few days ago relating to wishing I had been raised by wolves. That sentiment still stands, but I thought maybe I should explain myself. The past week has been quite interesting, but now that the events in question are winding down, I think I'm prepared to share details.

Last Thursday, my grandma (Walley) passed away. She had not been well, and we all knew it was imminent. I got a text Friday morning and then awaited further details. Thus begins the drama that was my week.

Bottom line, I didn't want to attend any of these "events" associated with her passing. I'm not really a funeral person. It appears I missed out on the gene that comprehends a large group of people getting together for multiple days to "say goodbye" to a person who has already passed. Think what you want, but I wasn't sad. The woman was 91. She lived a really great life. But when she suffered her stroke earlier this year, it robbed her of her freedom and made it impossible for her to enjoy the life she had come to love. Now, I do not believe that the opposite of "sad" is "glad," so please don't assume that is where I am at emotionally. I really just don't feel anything. I know you think that makes me a horrible person. It is what it is. However, maybe this will help explain things.

When my grandpa died on New Year's Eve 1989/1990, all I can really remember about the weeks after that was my dad fighting with my aunt (his sister) and uncle about who got what...who gets grandpa's car...who gets grandpa's tools... I was a junior in high school. I knew what was going on, but clearly I was too wrapped up in my teenage drama to really care. The end result was that my dad no longer wanted anything to do with his sister and her family. That included my only two cousins. Between living four hours away and this little rift between families, it cut into how often I saw my grandma.

Up until the funeral yesterday, I'm not sure I had seen my cousins since my grandpa's funeral. My parents would get Christmas cards, so I knew they were both married and had kids. That's about it.  My aunt, uncle, and grandma made an appearance at Eric's wedding in 2003. That was the last time I had seen any of them prior to yesterday. (Not trying to be morbid with the "seeing grandma yesterday" comment, btw.) So, basically, these people were/are strangers to me...family or not.

Hence the trepidation in attending the funeral festivities.

Over the weekend, I got the "sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do" speech from my dad. Which, if you know my dad or are away of his mental illnesses, is almost a pot-calling-the-kettle-black kind of irony. I opted out of the visitation...mostly because it meant an overnight, and I don't really have an overnight dogsitter plan in my back pocket. I took hell for that, too.

I really struggled with this "do or don't I" decision...for days. I reached out to some of my closest friends for advice. I got all kinds of insightful tidbits. However, none of it seemed to help make a decision easier. So, I sucked it up and went.

Other than what I have previously mentioned, the main reason I didn't want to go was because I was pretty sure no one would care if I was there. My dad had been his usual douchecanoe (EIT book reference) self for the past few months with his limited involvement in his family's decisions. I knew I didn't need to be there for him. My mom didn't want to go about as much as I didn't want to go because she was not a fan of my dad's family. I knew I didn't need to be there for her. My aunt, uncle, and cousins all had survived 20 years without me, so I knew they wouldn't need me. As it seems to turn out so often, I'm brilliant and was right on all counts.

I didn't recognize my cousins when I walked into the funeral home. I'm not sure I would have until the ceremony started and realized these people were sitting in the family section. I was in the same space with each of them for over 3 hours yesterday and they never spoke to or acknowledged me. My aunt gave me a hug when I got to the funeral home, but nothing after. My jackass of an uncle also never acknowledged me. Even during the service, both of my cousins spoke. They were the only people to speak other than the minister. Not that I would have, but my brother and I were never asked. And during their speeches, they made all these references to events that happened with them and my grandparents when they were kids, and they never even acknowledged Eric and I.

This is totally what I expected...and exactly why I didn't want to go.

As a side note, when I walked out of the church to drive home, I put my coat on 10 feet from all of them, and none of them got up to say goodbye or address me.

This will be my last family event I get bullied into attending.

As an anecdotal side note, we had a funeral crasher! No joke. "Donald" walked in in a sexy flannel shirt and jeans, lacking all hygiene and dental work. He introduced himself and shook hands with everyone. In fact, he came over to me three times. (One of my friends believes it's because I was the only single hottie in the place. Barf.) The last time, I finally said "yeah, we've done this already." Everyone seemed to think he was weird, but no one had their creep alarm go up quite like me. There were seven small children running around, and it's possible his picture is in the dictionary next to Pedophile. Turns out, we were warned when we got ready to leave the funeral home to not give him a ride to the cemetery...that the funeral home director would "take care of it." Glad to know my sole purpose was my creep-o-meter.

Anyway, I've wanted to blog about this or post more details to Facebook since it happened, but since I don't really require the "I'm sorry for loss" comments, and people don't really know what else to do, I opted to wait until now to write my story.

The End is Where We Begin

Today was a pretty big day for me.

It went almost completely unnoticed.

Kinda like when Crash hits his dinger, hangs it up, and the Sporting News doesn't cover it?

Yep.

Today was my last day working full-time in the Editing department at Kaplan. Two weeks ago, I accepted a new position as Curriculum Coordinator. Tomorrow I begin a 2-week transition of splitting time 50/50 between the old and the new.

This is news to many of you, mostly because I haven't really told anyone. The reason I haven't shared the news is quite sad. See, a good friend and co-worker also applied for this position. When it was offered to me, I was just sick. Literally. As happy as I was for me, I felt horrible for her. Then there were the people who were sad. I didn't want to continue to share the news and rub salt in the wounds.

People think I'm a selfish bitch. I really beg to differ.

Then, late last week, I discovered that people were glad I was moving on...and not in the this-is-the-best-thing-for-your-career way. This was very disheartening. I was quite close to tears. Instead, I focused on the rage and anger that caused me to even apply for the position in the first place.

You see, for the past few months, I have been medicated in order to do my job. That's how stressful it had become. Those of you that know me and know my family history know how horribly awful it was for me to ask a doctor to put me on medication...just so I could do my job every day.

The moral to this story is that I'm grabbing this opportunity by the (bull) horns and making some significant changes in my life. Priorities will start to change, and I will begin to weed out the people who do not offer positivity in order to make room for those that do.

I leave you with the chorus from a song off my fave album of the month:

The end is where we begin
It's crawling back when
We run away, run away
Cuz the end is where we begin
Where broken hearts mend
and start to beat again
The end is where we begin

 *Special thanks to Bull Durham and Thousand Foot Krutch for letting me borrow dialogue and song lyrics for today's blog.